The Great Echoing Hollowness and Other Stories About the Inside of My Head

My Greatest Adventure 6 000

So.  In the process of writing another post, I came across the above image in this blog’s media files.

Not a bad little cover.  Does its job, it does.

I can’t for the life of me tell you why I’d want to talk about it.

I know it was important enough to make a copy of, but not why.

Looking up the post it’s attached to did me no good.  That would be yet another essay doing what every right thinking comic book fan should be doing.  (And if you just thought “Praising Power Girl?” either you’re a reader with refined tastes or me.  Because I forgot what I’d linked to here.)

In case you didn’t click-through, that particular post was all about a completely different comic cover.  There’s no possible way to connect this one to that one.  Unless you do it under the banner of being covers that caught my interest some how.  A broad connection, to be sure.

It makes me wonder how many more of these images I’ve got in my media files that I have no idea why they’re there.

Going through my writing files, I’ve come across story titles that have no stories.  Not even a note to tell me what I was thinking.

Sometimes this can lead to amusing moments, I admit.  But man, am I tired of doing that.

One of the many reasons for changing my life.

More Stuff You Never See Happen to Power Girl

super-girl-000

A cover is the first thing anyone sees of a book, comic or otherwise.  It’s supposed to draw the reader in, make them want to buy the book.

The only way this cover works, if it works at all, is that this is somebody’s effort to draw in the all important Romance Comic (RC) crowd to the title.  “Oh, poor Supergirl!  However will she cope?  Will she find love?  Who’s kitten is that?”

Or something like that.

Look, I don’t know what RC fans look for in a comic.  I’m a Horror Comic guy.  No severed head, no dangling corpse, pass.  Let’s go see what Little Lulu is doing this week.  That’s me.

Anyways, they’re drawing the RC reader, the reader has the comic in hand, and he/she looks down and sees that title.  The Garden of Death.

Which is a great title.  Don’t get me wrong.  But it really doesn’t fit the cover.  At all.

Who’s kitten is that, anyways?  Is that Streaky, the Supercat in his mild manner disguise?

I’m trying to come up with something (allegedly) funny for Zatanna, but I’m coming up blank.  Outside of the backwards talk for spell casting, I’ve got nothing on her.  Not even interest.

Whatever her “surprise feature” is, it has to be better than this cover.  Gads.  Dull.

Robin, Of Course, Keeps His Eyes Right Where They Belong as a Good Side Kick Should

batman-robin-black-canary-the-green-tool-000

A few quick thoughts about the above cover:

  • I love how Green Arrow has a nice clear view of what’s happening to Batman and seems to be doing nothing.  Seems to be is the operative word: he’s no doubt thinking “Do it!  Do it!”  Tired of being referred to as a lame Batman ripoff, are we?
  • The slightest move will kill Batman.  Which means Knife Lad there is over doing things a little.  Just push the wheelchair around a bit.  Perfect crime, no one would ever know.  Unless he wants people to know, then never mind.
  • Speaking of the slightest move thing, that’s not a lot of bandages for a dude in critical condition.  And shoddily put on to boot.
  • Wait, wait, wait.  Why do they have a guy who can die at the slightest move in a wheelchair?
  • Green Lantern gets listed on the side, but doesn’t appear on the cover, winning him this week’s “Least Respected Super Hero Since Aquaman award.”
  • Seriously?  Why is Batman in a wheelchair?  I can buy still in his costume, if the slightest move could kill him.  But a wheelchair?  Really?
  • I also love how Black Canary is hushing the two guys.  Imagine the possible continuation of this conversation.  “Even the slightest sound could do him in!”  “Then why are we whispering at the door?  And why is the door open?” “…Shut up, Robin.”  “GOD! I’M GOING TO HAVE TO GO IN AND KILL THAT FLYING RODENT MYSELF, AREN’T I?!”  “Oliver!”
  • Actually, I know for a fact Green Arrow isn’t looking into the room; he’s too busy staring at Black Canary’s chest.  In fact, he doesn’t realize he’s in a hospital at all.  He wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to holler “Hello nurse!” that long

Speaking of Wonder Girl Meeting an Untimely Fate…

Teen Titans 027 000

I’m making two basic assumptions here.  First I’m assuming that the entire Teen Titan crew are all out on the moon, doing whatever it is Teen Titans do.  Not homework, that’s for sure.

Second, that the blond kid is Green Dingbat’s side kick Speedy.  The other two are no doubt Robin and Kid Flash (though Aqualad isn’t completely out of the question.)  They don’t matter for the following blog post.

Okay?

I am also in no way, shape, or form considering the story contained behind this cover.  Just the cover itself.

The following thoughts occur:

Why are the Teen Titan’s on the moon?  It can’t be in the line of duty, otherwise Speedy’s crack doesn’t make sense.  They’d be concerned that Super Villain X has here.

So they’re out on a pleasure cruise to the moon.  Not the strangest thing I’ve encountered reading comics.

That said, Speedy’s a fricking moron.  “What kind of trouble could she get on the moon?”  Dude!  You’re in space!  No air!  No atmosphere!  That’s the whole reason you’re in the damn space suit.

I bet you he has his arrows in his suit with him.  Not in a quiver.  Just in the suit.  Sharp enough to rip the fabric.

Robin watched him do it.  He watched him and didn’t say a word.  Just shook his head once in disbelief.

You better believe Robin doesn’t have anything sharp near him.

Then there’s that fetching space suit Wonder Girl’s got on.  It doesn’t even remotely look the same as the guys’.  Like someone special ordered the thing for her.

It’s like the Teen Titans couldn’t even go one minute without seeing every inch of that poor girl’s body.  To put insult on injury, now she’s getting dragged off by some glowing monster in high heel shoes.  And no one’s going to come save her.

Because what could have happened to her on the moon?

This sort of crap would never happen to Wonder Woman…

Not Depicted is How Speedy and Wonder Girl Were Left to Burn Alive in the Fire

I’ve done a lot of kidding with DC covers, and no doubt will do some more in the near future.  But here’s a cover I found that I rather liked:

Brave and the Bold 054 000

The lunatic in the whirlwind is a no-starter, obviously.  Judging by the staff alone his origin story probably is an embarrassment before God and man.  His sartorial sense in general is, that’s for sure.  Some people can make goofy threatening; this guy ain’t one of them.

Even the heroics are a little bare basics, compared to some of the blood and thunder that went on over at Marvel.  Still, everyday heroic is still heroic.

Moving further to the positive, I really like the (no doubt unintended) visual joke of Kid Flash, fastest kid alive, dragging his feet here.

But what seals it for me is the expression on Robin’s face.  Look at it:

Brave and the Bold 054 001

This isn’t anything more than Tuesday for Robin.  Fire storm Smire storm.  If your face isn’t caked in clown paint, he doesn’t give a toss.

I haven’t read the story this covers depicts, but I like to believe that it consists of the following moments:  Robin getting his friends to safety; the villain laughing maniacally; followed immediately with said villain knocked out mid laugh by a single simple punch by Robin; and as the villain lies on the ground unconscious and with a broken jaw, Robin walking back to tend his friends’ wounds.  All drawn with the above expression on Robin’s face.

Never thought of Robin as bad ass until this cover.

And, heh heh, they list him last in the title.  After Aqua Lad.

Boy Wonder needs a better agent.

When In Doubt, Post Images of Power Girl

All Star Comics No 58 000 - Power Girls First Cover

Okay, here’s the deal.

On my roaming of the web, I happened upon someone discussing the following issues.  And suddenly I realize that, of all the images of Power Girl I have on this site, the one I’m missing is that of her first appearance.  Right up there.

So I want that, right?  And maybe the next one too.  No real reason for it.  Fortunately the article that has the above image has the next one, so I capture it quite quick.  And, being a Power Girl fan (after a fashion) I notice right away a certain something about the next image:

All Star Comics No 59 000 - Power Girls Second Cover

As a rule, comic covers depict their heroes in dire straights.  This is really no different (or worse) than a hundred other such covers.  Though it did set the teeth on edge a little.  Her second appearance, and already Power Girl’s a damsel in distress?  Her fan (kind of) doth protest.

So when I started this post (which frankly only here to justify putting up the images) I was going to say something about how undignified this was, make some snark about only female character on the team being put into a position of peril, maybe even off setting that by pointing out the Flash here getting knocked to kingdom come.

Then I noticed the shading job done on Power Girl.

Specifically around the boobs.

I’m not a great artist.  Not by any stretch.  And this picture beats out almost all of my work.  I freely admit it.

That said, I’m certain that the underside of her boobs shouldn’t be shaded.

Not certain how I would have drawn this myself (anatomically incorrect, no doubt) but once you’ve seen it…

Anyway.  That’s the excuse for posting these two pictures.  Tomorrow (or there about) we’ll see what other excuses I can come with to post a picture of Power Girl.

Not that I’ve ever needed one before, mind.  I just rather this blog had some of my words in it.  And not completely be devoted to snarking about some else’s work.

The Old Man (Briefly) Rants About Comics

I might have mentioned my affection for the Kindle.  Access to stuff I had a hard time finding in bookstores, carrying a library of hundreds of books in my hands, another electronic gizmo to lose, blah, blah, blah.  Let’s consider it said and move on.

Seriously.  Who WOULDN'T want DEVIL DINOSAUR?  He's a Dinosaur.  That's red.
Seriously. Who WOULDN’T want DEVIL DINOSAUR? He’s a Dinosaur. That’s red.

Recently (in the past year or so) I learned you can get comics on the thing.  I’m not talking collections–that I knew about–I’m talking individual issues.  Like a complete run of Devil Dinosaur.  More Howard the Duck than anyone can ever want.  That sort of thing.

It’s getting to the point that even if I win the lottery, I’ll still be poor.  Between the novel series I always wanted to read to the games they keep bring over (Fighting Fantasy is now on Kindle with other games promised soon; are they trying to kill me?) to the movies I can download and now the comics…  Where will I get the funds for it all?  Never mind the time?

The frustrating part (ha ha, one of the frustrating parts), though, is when you get to the actual names.  Such as Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-man, say, or Doctor Strange.  There they only have up choice issues.  And not even complete story lines; just a couple here or there, without any clear logic or reason behind it.

Take, for instance, this issue:

But at least his ability to spout exposition is completely unaffected.
But at least his ability to spout exposition is completely unaffected.

This is a part of what I believe is a three part series.  Specifically the middle part.  I had this issue as a kid and as an adult would have loved to see how the whole thing started.  No joy there.

But it gets better.  Because the next issue is available.  It’s this one:

Peter Perker Spectacular Spider-man 028 000
Boy does that character carrion and on. Get it? Get it? It’s funny. Cause it’s a pun.

This is the first part of a three part story line.  Involving Carrion.  One of my favorite Spider-villains.

Gah.

Frustrating in the extremes.  Especially when you consider how many Howard the Ducks kindle has.  I mean, I know it’s a cult classic, but come on!  Some characters are more important.

But that’s not what I’m here to rant about.

Surprisingly.

One of the sites I frequent was listing The Greatest Joker Stories of All Time (my title, not theirs) and one caught my fancy.  I went over to look it up, saw it was on Kindle, checked out the price, and almost shouted, “$3.99?  For a comic book?

Instantly I was an old man.

The kind that yells at the neighbor kids to get off his lawn while shaking his cane in futile rage.

I don’t know how much comics cost these days.  I know it you can’t get one for three quarters any more, mainly because that price was long gone by the time I stopped collecting comics.  For all I know, $3.99 is a bargain.

Which leads to another whinge about funds.

The modern age.  So many things to buy, so little money to by them with.

 

Can’t… Breath… Haven’t Had… Power Girl Post… Since February…

Power Girl Wonder Woman Convergance

Gasp!  Ah!  That’s better.

Actually, that is better.  That particular Power Girl costume is my preferred Power Girl costume, and on the odd times I draw her (don’t go there) it’s the one I use.  The boob window is, frankly, ridamndiculous.

(So’s the costume they got poor Wonder Woman in, but that’s beside the point.)

I’m also partial to the hair cut.  Sort of suits her.  Though long hair in combat situations ain’t the wisest course.

Back to the original topic: This particular comic, however, displays an even better costume variant than this.  A panel, slightly modified to (from my perspective) show off Power Girl better:

Power Girl Convergance

No plunging neckline, no cleavage, and no absurd boob window.  A better look for her, I think.

The Hell…?! (XXXI) – There Isn’t Anything About This Cover That Isn’t Shameful

Radio Boy 000

Rook out?

Rook out?

Huh.

Rook out.

This a comic about chess?  There’s a card game called Rook, maybe the flying kid’s heading off to play with Rambo in the corner there.

I dunno.

I just don’t get it.

(Actually I do get it; if I hadn’t the site I lifted the image from would have filled me in on it.  All I know is that when reflecting upon all the shameful things I have done, at least I can say I never made this, much less bought it.)

 

I Would Expect No Less Out Of Him

World's Finest Comics 257 000

I can’t be the only one who sees this.  I can’t be.

Here is the cover of World’s Finest #257.  We have the comic’s main heroes dropping in on a clearly evil bag lady.  Of course, as much as I know about DC, she may well be Lex Luthor’s mother; she seems to be shopping at the same Super Science store he does judging by what’s in her bag.

What caught my eye about this cover is the splash of green over there on the left.

World's Finest Comics 257 001

Now what Green Arrow‘s doing on the cover of a comic called World’s Finest is beyond me.  Aquaman I would understand.  The Wonder Twins I’d look in askance at but accept.

But Green Arrow?

Green Arrow?

Are you kidding me?

It’s clear that the artist (Jim Aparo, one of the few DC artist name’s I recognize) intended for all three heroes to be rushing to face this new threat.  Common enough, really.

But let’s look at that this again.

Look at Batman and Superman.  Look at at the motion lines, showing them moving towards the dread homeless lady and her bag full of hateful green snot.

Then look at Green Arrow.  No motion lines.

Thus the truth becomes clear.  As Batman and Superman risk their lives, Green Arrow is in the background standing as still as he can, hoping the bag lady mistakes him for another statue.

Proving once again that the only thing brave about Green Arrow is the way he styles his goatee.

WHAAAA?!
WHAAAA?!

Oh shut up.