Dachshunds: Nature’s Perfect Dinosaur Killers

A little story before we begin.

I seem to recall the debate between warm blooded and cold blooded dinosaurs beginning when I was a kid.  I was seriously in the cold blooded camp because dinosaurs were cold blooded.

What do you expect from a kid?  Good reasoning?

Anyways, that all ended for me in the fifth grade.  It was there that I read a book that dared put forward the very idea that a grizzly bear would be able to beat a Tyrannosaurs Rex.  Because the grizzly was warm blooded and the rex cold blooded.

My immediate reaction was that there was no way on Earth that a mere bear could beat the then King of the Dinosaurs.  Thus dinosaurs had to be warm blooded.

Well it made sense at the time.

I tell you that story to help better illustrate the main point.

A few years later (okay, maybe a few decades, let’s not get technical), I was watching a program on television.  It had this video in which a badger backs down a grizzly bear.  What with a badger being a tough customer despite its squat size.

Now follow me here.

A dachshund was bred to hunt badgers.  Their very name means “Badger hound”.

Thus, it stands to reason that if a badger can take a bear and a dachshund can take a badger, then naturally a dachshund can take out a bear.

Following that clear, completely reasonable and in no way foolish chain of logic to its obvious conclusion,  then a dachshund can kill a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

Assuming the Rex is cold blooded.

Which I now believe them to be.  Because there’s no way on Earth a Rex could ever hope to beat a dachshund.

I mean seriously.  Have you seen a dachshund in hunt mode?  Brr.

What’s more, you’ve never once seen a T-Rex have anything to do with the little guys.  In fact, I’ll bet you’ve never seen the two in the same room together.

That’s because a Rex is mortally afraid of dachshund.

Gotta be.  There’s no other answer.

Having come to that conclusion, I now live in terror.  I seldom step out of the house and never sleep for more than a few minutes at a time.  I don’t dare.

You see, both my little dachshund protectors have passed on.

What am I going to do if a Tyrannosaurs came knocking on my door?

What if he has a badger with him?


5 Replies to “Dachshunds: Nature’s Perfect Dinosaur Killers”

  1. I once had a female Shih Tzu (tiny female) dog that made 2 German Shepherds (visiting dogs from a neighbor that I was babysitting – not the neighbor – the dogs) sit at opposite ends of my backyard (One in each corner). They refused to “challenge” her and seemed genuinely intimidated. I attribute this to the fact that Shih Tzus are willing to fight “to the death” and the Shepherds could see that in her eyes. That is something that many dog breeds are just not willing to do!

    1. I think it’s a territory thing. We took Jake and Elwood over to my Aunt’s house once, and Jake was definitely less aggressive than he was at home. He definitely seemed awestruck by my aunt’s Golden Retriever, Toby. He just followed Toby around, staring.

      Then again, dogs can be weird. During this last year of Elwood’s life we took him over to the same Aunt’s house. At the time she was hosting two dogs in addition to her own, and these dogs gathered around him like he was the Little Dog King come again. Bear in mind that by this point Elwood wasn’t walking; I was carrying him around and that might have had something to do with it.

      Elwood, for his part, took it all like it was his due. Of course, we always wondered how well he was seeing by that point, so he might not have known he was getting such attention.

      1. The other dogs probably wondered why Elwood was getting so much “special” attention normally reserved for a Dog King.

  2. I have an ancient red (mostly gray now) male Dachshund, Jake. In his hay day, attempted to herd cows, wrangled poisonous snakes (bit 3 times), chased by coyotes (his little buddy didn’t survive that one) and no cat or varmit was a match for his ferociousness. Never have I seen such grit come from such a small domestic animal. Yes, he is a little laid back these days but he is still my little protector and has my respect!

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