The Hell ..?! (XXX) – WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO POOR ROBERT ENGLUND?

Some times being a funny guy bites you right on the keister. For example:

I’ve run a series of essays called The Hell …?! for pretty much the entire time I’ve run this blog.  It details the bizarre things I stumble across on the web and (on rare occasions) during real life.  It’s one of the big kicks I get and, like the blog itself, one of the few projects I haven’t out-and-out abandoned over my misspent life.

For reasons that amount to because that’s how it’s done I’ve numbered every last one with a Roman Numeral.  Which has been fine right up until I hit good old number thirty.  There my humor gets me.

Small history lesson for those who didn’t snicker a little at the above title.  Back in the day, before the internet made everyone’s life so much easier, movies had four ratings denoting which film was for what.  There was G, for the little kiddies; PG, for the bigger kiddies; R, for adults and certain lucky kiddies; and X, for no kiddies at all, what are you, a sick pervo or something?

Basically X is what NC-17 is today.  Stuff that certain people think might be too much for the tots to take.

The porn industry, being clever, started throwing out their own rating, XXX.  Meaning, I suppose, three times as adult as Brand X.

All of this is a long-winded way of saying that I felt this particular had to deal with porn.  Or sex.  Or something sexy.

Now I will do a lot for this blog.  Really.  Even sometimes write a post for it.  But the one thing I WILL NEVER EVER, EVER DO is seek out sexy things that make me say “The Hell…?!”

Nope.

Ain’t going to do it.

The real bitch about the whole thing is that I’d already done the perfect subject for this one not five essays ago.  I even remember thinking about saving it and everything, right before I posted it.  What a maroon.

The world being what it is, a solution was bound to show up.  Which happened this week.

(Small digression here.  One might have thought that this weeks announcement of the porn parody of Doctor Who, Doctor Whore, might have qualified.  However, after the Dalek porno, it’s just a johnny-come-lately in terms of shock.

(And no.  That wasn’t intended.)

Anyway, Mike Sterling over at the Progressive Ruin has his own series of blog posts, dubbed the End of Civilization.  It is there where I discovered this, the subject of this post.  After over four hundred words of blathering.  Can you beli– Okay I’ll stop and show the image:

This is Freddy Kruger Question Mark 000

They call this Freddy Krueger Bishōjo Statue.

Bishōjo, for those who care, means “pretty girl”.  For the record

A few thoughts.

  • Whoever thought that having a child murderer sexualized in any shape or form?  Not right in the head, I should think.
  • The way she’s bent like that looks pretty nightmarish to me.  So points there.
  • I know it defeats the purpose of the whole “pretty girl” thing, but Kruger without burn scars is just wrong.
  • I would suggest a Bishōnen (pretty boy) statue next for those who would be into such a thing, but frankly this thing scares me enough as is.

I look forward to the Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers, and Leatherface Bishōjo Statues.  But not the Norman Bates one; that would be just silly.

 

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