Godzilla v. Megalon Now Out On DVD; In Related News, Cullen M. M. Waters May Have Gone Insane.

I just found out that Godzilla v. Megalon came out on DVD last month.  In English and Japanese.

SHUT UP, WATERS! I DON’T TAINT NOTHING! YOU’RE A BIG MEANIE! SOB! WHY DOESN’T ANYONE LIKE ME. MOMMY?

This is the worst Godzilla movie ever made.  Worse than the (first) American Godzilla.  Worse than Godzilla v. the Smog Monster (is too!  Shut up!)  It’s even worse than Godzilla’s Revenge, which isn’t a really real movie at all but a collection of clips from better Godzilla movies tainted by the presence of a monster makes the Giant Claw look like CGI.

I’ve seen it once.  I don’t really need to ever see it again.

I don’t.

Yet I must own this disc.  Yea verily, I must watch this movie again.

I don’t have to.  I don’t want to.

Yet I must.

Oh uncaring internet! I do not – yet I must. How do you calculate that? At what point on the graph do “must” and “do not” meet? Yet I must – but I do not want!

Ieee!

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One Reply to “Godzilla v. Megalon Now Out On DVD; In Related News, Cullen M. M. Waters May Have Gone Insane.”

  1. We jump right into the city, the grimy, industrial city. Young Boy Ichiro is walking home from school with his friend Sachiko, who is a girl, in case you missed the “-ko” at the end of her name. They’re pushed aside by the local gang of 11 year olds, who say some sort of insult that the subtitles don’t bother to translate. On a traffic overpass, a truck hitting it’s breaks for half a second is fascinating enough that both Ichiro and Sachiko jump up to see what’s going on. Is truck maneuvering that big in Japan? Ichiro starts talking about how the brakes of the truck sounded like Minya (they do not, Ichiro is delusional) and Sachiko is less than impressed. Well, in the American dub, she’s a little more impressed. Ichiro will be playing the part of Kenny, in case you’ve not figured this out yet. He’s decked out in a yellow baseball cap, short shorts, and a backpack, all of which he’ll be wearing throughout the film. He fits in perfectly with the Kenny credo, of being friends to monsters who kill people, being obnoxious, whiny, microshorted, and the character you want to die the most. No one does die in this movie, which is unfortunate, as there are several good candidates. Ichiro is played by actor Tomonori Yazaki, who went on to the Kamen Rider TV show and then to be torn apart by hungry wolves in the Siberian wilderness. Okay, maybe that last part is a lie.

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