Short answer? Not as well as he knows his Marvel Super Heroes, that’s for certain.
Long answer? Well, let’s start with why I bring this up.
My parents still on occasion get Brother Eric’s mail, despite him existing on another plane of existence (one with the odd name of Arizona). A few days ago they received a post card with the following image:
Gads. They’re having it on May 21, when those billboards say the Apocalypse is coming. Maybe they should push up the date…
That silliness aside, as they seem to be all female characters from the Marvel universe, and the blog was going fallow, I figured why not make a game out of naming each one and give a little background of each, all without looking them up on Wikipedia (beyond nabbing a few links, natch). I mean, there must be some reason I have all this trivia rattling around in my head.
Below is a helpful guide to follow along with my little endevour:
A. – This is the Scarlet Witch, one of the mighty Avengers. She has this hex power that causes… hex things. Dunno if it ever was that well-defined or not. She’s the twin sister of the speedster Quicksilver, the daughter of the eeevil X-man foe Magneto, and ex-wife of the android Vision. She also had two kids with Vision that turned out to be illusionary constructs. Which isn’t as an uncommon occurrence in the Marvel Universe as one might think.
Not too long ago, she seemed to have acquired reality shaping powers and caused more than a little havoc around Marvel. Which is what tends to happen to everybody with reality shaping powers.
B. – This is Jean Grey. She’s an telepath and one of the heavy hitters of the X-men (as well as X-force and probably more teams starting with the letter X). She’s currently dead, but no doubt she’ll be getting better soon. Like she did the half dozen other times she died.
C. – Three in and I come up with a loss. Am I a champ or what? I don’t even recognize the outfit she’s in.
D. – This pretty lady is Crystal, one of the Inhumans. She’s been a member of the Fantastic Four and maybe the Avengers (but don’t hold me to that.) She has the power to make me forget almost ever relevant fact about her.
I’ve read the first Fantastic Four comics she was in and for the life of me I couldn’t tell you what she can do.
E. – Amazingly, I know even less about this lady in green. She’s Hela, Goddess of Death (or some such.) Thor fights her on occasion, and as I’ve never been a Thor fan that’s all I’ve got. In fact, I misspelled the name the first time through this article.
F. – I could be mistaken, but I think this is Clea, former apprentice and lover of the Sorcerer Supreme, Doctor Strange. Also from another dimension (probably not Arizona). I have no idea what happened to her. Probably died. That happens with disturbing frequency to those who date/marry/have sex/brush against in an elevator Marvel Super Heroes.
G. – Loss #2 for Cullen. No clue who she is. I wanna say Sharon Carter, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. and partner of Captain America, but I always thought Carter had brown hair. (I never was a fan of Cap’s as a kid, something I kind of regret now.)
H. – This is Sue Richards, the Invisible Woman. Not only can she make herself and other things invisible, she can project force fields. Of the original Four, she is my second favorite (no one beats Ben Grimm/the Thing!) She’s managed being married to Mr. Fantastic for years, all without being killed off. Well, not too often, in any case.
I. – The woman with the flowing red locks is another Inhuman, name of Medusa. She can use her hair to grab things. In the comics I’ve read with her in, she tends to be a bit arrogant. Which is no real surprise, as she’s the queen (or some such) of the Inhumans. Like Crystal, she, too was a part of the Fantastic Four for a time. Unlike Crystal, she’s fairly interesting.
J. – Now I’m not sure about this, but I believe this is Sif, one of Thor’s warrior friends. As with Hela, that’s about alls I gots.
K. – This red-haired beauty is the Black Widow, former villain and Avenger. She dated Daredevil and I believe Hawkeye at one point, but don’t hold that against her. Not quite sure what she’s up to now. As a kid, I sort of wanted her to date Spider-man. Dunno why.
L. – This blue skinned lady is Dorma. I think she married Namor the Submariner; if not, she tried real hard too. She came down with a bad case of death and I think is one of the few characters who did so without popping up again later.
M. – Loss #3 for Cullen. I think she might be an alien (specifically a Kree), but I can’t say for sure.
N. – We’ve saved the best for last. This is the wondrous Wasp, one of the first Avengers. While reading the first issues of that fine comic, she was my favorite character after Captain America. Mainly because she was such a self-absorbed brat. Over the years, she improved, becoming a strong leader in her own right.
Which means, of course, that she’s been killed off. Blown up real good, as I understand.
Not that that’s the worst possible thing that could have happened. They killed her duplicate over in the Ultimate Universe off in the most outrageous fashion ever. A splash page of her having her guts eaten by the villain the Blob. The Blob even has this irresponsible “quip” about it: “Tastes like chicken.”
How could anyone with any taste do something like that? Honestly. Everyone knows people tasted like pork, right?
Well, sometimes I get hungry.
Dubious humor aside, the Wasp appears in the new Avengers cartoon, and she’s great. Always makes an episode better having her in it.
And that’s that. I think this is an excellent picture. My only “complaint” (and it’s not a real complaint) is that there’s no She Hulk. Would have liked to see her done in this style.
But that’s just me.
Three misses out of fourteen. Dunno. Maybe I need to read more comics.
Right now I’m feeling a little… peckish. Going to go grab a bite to eat.
Be seeing you.