Cheezy Horror Trailers Vol 1 – A Review

I hadn’t intended on watching the whole thing, but I did it.  I watched the whole thing.  For you.

Aren’t I a peach?

Anyways, this is a collection of Horror movie trailers.  Below are the movies trailers show and what I think of them (either the trailer themselves, or, if I’ve seen it, the movie).

Now if we all go in with low expectations, everyone will be happy.

But first, this guy:

Don't you wish all lunatics came so clearly labeled?

And now for our show.  Trailers.  Thing.

  • Curse of the Undead: Vampire Western! Not a bad flick, as I recall it.  Probably the best Vampire Western out there.  Which isn’t saying much, considering the competition.
  • Doctor Jekyll and Sister Hyde: Sex transplant the easy way. Bored me to tears when I tried watching it. Never finished.  Ralph Bates was no Peter Cushing.
  • Equinox: College kids against the Elder Gods. In Supernatural Color! I’ve seen this (oh so bad) movie like three times, and not recently. Is it sad I recognized it by a single moment (and an explosion at that?) Oh, and Shakespeare gets his “More in heaven and earth” quote trotted out again. Gads, one wonders why he hasn’t spun out of his grave by now…
  • Berserk!: Joan Crawford finds menace in every shadow at her circus. And it’s not Bette Davis come to get her, either. Haven’t seen it, but could have. Might still. It’s in color, but the trailer’s in black and white.
  • Horror Hotel: College kids against immortal devil worshipers. It’s got Christopher Lee in it as an America professor. As I recall, it’s a good ‘un.
  • The Leech Woman: A woman pays a horrible price to be young again. Haven’t seen this one seen this one since I was a wee Cullen, but for some reason most of the plot has stuck with me (including the end.) Dunno if I liked it or not…
  • Humanoids From the Deep: Like Creature From the Black Lagoon, only with more monsters. And more rape. Complete with nekked chicks! I did watch this one, once. Long, long ago. Don’t think I cared for it. (Also, is this the first movie to use the “Man is the endangered species” line?)
  • Abby: The Devil made her do it. Blaxploitation Exorcist. Never seen it. Hey! First one I haven’t seen. It’s got Blacula himself (William H. Marshall) in it, so it can’t be all bad.
  • Horrors of the Black Museum: Crime writer causes murder spree. Don’t use the binoculars! Haven’t seen this one, either. Michael Gough stars, but frankly I’d rather watch Konga.

    Cheezy Horror 1 001
    There are no words to describe what I feel on seeing this...
  • Seizure: Novelist has nightmares about his work. Haven’t seen this one. In fact, I thought I hadn’t even head of it until I looked it up. Kinda want to see it, as it has Tattoo as a murderous moppet. Oh, what would Mr. Roarke say, Tattoo?
  • The Sinful Dwarf: About a murderous dwarf luring women to their doom. Haven’t seen it. Don’t want to. But if Tattoo had been the dwarf…
  • Eaten Alive: Hotel owner feeds his alligators with former guests… Tobe Hooper’s second film. Haven’t seen it… yet.  Lotsa plastic reptiles.
  • The Fearless Vampire Killers: What is says on the tin. I didn’t like the ending, so I haven’t watch it since.
  • The House on Haunted Hill: Vincent Price plays games with his wife. EXCELLENT FILM. Probably the best one so far. (Forgot about Horror Hotel, above) The hell is it doing here?
  • The Abominable Dr. Phibes: Vincent Price plays tricks on his wife’s murderers. Another good flick.  Some good childhood memories there.  Didn’t warp me at all.  And gave me ideas on how to deal with all the people that were mean to me.  Such good ideas.
  • The Fearless Vampire Killers: What is says on the tin. What? Twice? Really?
  • The Children: Kids with with fingernails painted black go around killing people with their touch. Haven’t seen it… yet. Probably one I’ll regret. As is if THAT hasn’t happened before…
  • The Werewolf v. the Vampire Woman: Another howler with werewolf Waldemar Daninsky. I’ve seen exactly two Paul Naschy films. One of the Dracula v. Frankensteins and another who’s name escapes me. Neither makes me want to watch this film. But, again, neither make me NOT wanna watch this film..
  • Frankenstein and the Monster From Hell: Frankenstein brings Darth Vader to life! Really. I know I’ve seen it, but I don’t remember much about it. Which is no doubt telling.  Also has the Second Doctor in it.

    Cheezy Horror 1 002
    "That pay check had BETTER be ready when I'm done here."
  • Count Dracula and His Vampire Brides: Dracula is back for some Satanic Rites. Filmed with glorious nekked chicks. Gads. Last Frankenstein for Cushing, last Dracula for Lee, and both back to back here. Haven’t seen this one yet.
  • Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?: Joan Crawford and Better Davis focus their hate for a Gothic Horror. Haven’t seen it.  But I have seen Hush, Hush Sweet Charlotte. Go figure.
  • The Old Dark House: Strand people pick the wrong house to take shelter in. I’ve seen the original (good) but not this one. A William Castle film. Might not be bad. Though his jokes in this trailer certainly are…
  • The Werewolf: Scientists make a poor sucker go all Lon Chaney Jr. A Werewolf movie with a sci fi cause. I remember liking this one, but it’s been a while…
  • The Premature Burial: Ray Milland gets his fears fulfilled. I stopped watching this one. It wasn’t premature, I can tell you that. Still, I might give it another go one day.
  • The Chosen: Kirk Douglas discovers that his son is the Antichrist. Also known as Holocaust 2000. Haven’t seen it. The trailer doesn’t do much to inspire me to seek it out, either.
  • The Man Without a Body: Nostradamus finds himself resurrected… as a head! Haven’t seen it. Gads, this is starting to get repetitive.
  • Tales From the Crypt: The (original) movie based upon the comic series of the same name. One of the better Horror anthologies, though it strays from the humor found in the original series. Favorite story: The one with the blind men getting their revenge. CLASSIC!
  • House of Fright: Jekyll and Hyde without the horror makeup. Or the chills, judging by the trailer. Will I see it?, though? Probably. I am that sad.
  • The Abominable Dr. Phibes: Vincent Price plays tricks on his wife’s murderers. Another repeat. You’d expect better quality control on something called Cheezy Horror Trailers
  • Dr. Phibes Rises Again: Vincent Price takes his dead wife to Egypt. I liked this one, too. Very fun.  Very filled with good ideas.

    Cheezy Horror 1 003
    "Hey guys! Got some Food of the Gods right here!"
  • The Cyclops: Giant man imperils searchers. Have not seen this one yet. There. Mixed things up for you. Aren’t you proud? Looks… eh.
  • Terror in the Wax Museum: Murders happen in a Wax Museum. This one looks like it falls in the so bad it’s good category. I hope it’s true. Be nice to be able to peg one of them right…
  • Humanoids From the Deep: Like Creature From the Black Lagoon, only with more monsters. And more rape. One would have thought something that said Volume one on the title would have fewer repeats… Who knew?
  • Blacula: Dracula’s Soul Brother plagues the modern world. One scene keeps this film from greatness. And it’s a doozy. But worth it for William H. Marshall’s performance.
  • Sugar Hill: A woman gets her revenge through the powers of Voodoo. I wanna see this one.  The zombies in particular look creepy.
  • My Bloody Valentine: Minor Miner slasher movie. Not mine pick for a great movie, but it doesn’t give you the shaft.  And that’s my pun allotment for the month.  (I kid.  I can pun at any time!  Beware!  Beware!)
  • Terror: No one can escape it. Well what do you know? A horror flick I’m not familiar with. Who’d a thunk it?
  • Friday the Thirteenth: Does this need a plot description? Would you believe I’ve only seen the end of this movie? Not a fan.

Look, it’s a collection of trailers.  It’s hard to blow something like that.  And yet these guys did.  Three repeats.  Three.

Also, and this can’t be dropped at the feet of the collectors, the quality of these trailers is terrible.  Honestly, you’re probably better off just going out and watching the movies.

I enjoyed myself (1 point) but didn’t think it was very good (.5 point) so I…

Wait a moment.

Which site am I at again?

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