I HATE Valentine’s Day

Another post when I said there would be none! What did I tell you?

Anyway.

Over at Henry’s Asylum, Henry has been talking once again about his life in the Philippines, as has been the course his blog has taken since he moved there.  Were I a currish man (and I am), I would have one complaint about this turn of events, which is not enough continued updates.  The odds of me ever going to the Philippines are slim to none, and it’s nice having an “inside source” talking about it.  The more I know about the world, the better writer I’ll be.

Yes, yes, it’s finally revealed.  I am that shallow.  My personalty could be lost forever in a puddle of water, unnoticed and unmourned.  Let’s pause a moment to pity the poor subhuman creature known as Cousin Emily Cullen.

As selfish as my reading habits might be, it’s always good hearing from Henry, especially that he’s doing well.  I was going to wish him well on the upcoming job interview and on the future business he and his lady friend Alma are going to try (real quick, Good Luck, both of you!).  But then he writes ” I hope everyone had a good Valentines Day…” and the screaming monkey I call a brain demands comments on that.  More like a rant, really.

Now, while I thought it was a funny rant, it’s several paragraphs long.  Almost the proper length for a troll.  And it was sort of off-topic.  Worse, the more I wrote it, the more it felt like something for Welltun Cares Presents.  And, as I hate hate hate letting this site go shallow (even if it’s for my own good), I post my thoughts on yesterday’s “cerebration”.

This, I hurry to mention, isn’t my first go at this topic.  I have aired grievances before, over at another post o’ mine.  Rather than force you to read to these fine, fine points, I have copied the meat of it below:

The most obvious question I can think of is “Why this week [to post this post]? Why not last week when it was, y’know, more topical?” The reason is simple: my family doesn’t believe in Valentine’s Day. Like at all. Dear Cousin Emily referred to it as a card holiday, and while I was surprised my sweet cousin didn’t get in to that sort of thing, I couldn’t argue.

Now if I should gain a Significant Other (perish the thought!) I might make an effort for her sake, but I will never be comfortable until after it passes. Not since I started thinking of it as Dump the Chump day. See, I know someone who was dumped by their Valentine on that very day. Not once, but twice. Each time after he gave them their gift. Most harsh.

Brother Eric absolutely loathes the holiday. With a passion. For reasons that might well have to do with a previous paragraph. Maybe. I’m not saying one way or the other. His reasons are his own. But there are two of them. Just so you know.

(That’ll teach him not to be a regular reader of this blog…)

This, of course, explains why I brought Emily into this post with an early insult in paragraph 4.  Had she read this without the insult, she might have inferred that I liked her more than I liked Eric, or that I was going soft and

That

Can’t

Happen!

Ever.

Fortunately, I’m not sure she can read.  Do they allow illiterate nurses?  Must, cause Emily’s a nurse.

Slandering innocent people aside, below is the dross that was going to pollute poor Henry’s blog:

St. Valentine’s Day was about as miserable for me this year as it has been since… I dunno?  Grade school?  All this talk about what to get for your girlfriend, wife, and/or significant other is sort of like a sliver of wood underneath the fingernail.  Guess what you don’t have, Cullen, and the rest of the world does?  Ha ha ha!

Worse, here in the States, are the commercials.  Endless pajama-gram commercials.  “She’ll think you spent weeks picking the nightie you clearly want more than her out!”  Yeah, if she’s NEVER WATCH TELEVISION FOR THE PAST FEW WEEKS she might.  Otherwise…

And then there’s the teddy bears…  The oh so cute teddy bears… But this year’s been light on them, so I can’t complain.  Much.

Only worse time of the year for me is on another Saint’s holiday:  St Patrick’s Day.

And so on and so forth.  You know it’s time to stop when you’re bring in stray holidays…

Anyway, hopeful some amusement has been derived from all of this.  I know one person will laugh at it in future.

Me.

Cause I’m shallow like that…

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10 Replies to “I HATE Valentine’s Day”

  1. I think I have you beat. I dislike Valentine’s Day because of a bunch of nuns who ran the Catholic school that I attended from 1st to 8th grade. I wont mention any names (St. Clement Pope, South Ozone Park, Queens, New York). Every Valentine’s Day, the nuns would have us bring in Valentine’s cards for for our fellow students, put them in a big box and then distribute them in front of everyone. Because I had the highest grades in my class (read “nerd”), I did not get a lot of cards – like the “cool” kids in the class. Actually, I always got two cards. One from a girl whose mom knew how tragic this scenario could become and had her sign a card for every individual in the class. the second card was from the nun who was my current class teacher (who also gave a card to everyone in the class).
    But I’m not bitter. Hell no. I just don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day because it’s a made up holiday from the greeting card industry jus to make a buck. Yeah – that’s right. That’s the reason, by golly. So let’s not mention this anymore.
    I need a drink.

  2. No, no. It’s seppuku time. It’s the only way to redeem myself. I’m waiting for the Irish Shogun to give me permission. Once that happens, I’ll have to find a kaishaku to make sure things go as planned.

    Emily’s volunteered. Apparently she’s been practicing.

    (Seriously? Mr. Waters should have known better. Really.)

  3. That’s OK – I got you a reprieve from the Philippine Crazy Ass Bus Drivers Association. Emily will have to leave her katana at home and resort to the usual “slow poison that leaves no traces”. I hear nurses have access to that sort of thing.

  4. Sorry I didn’t comment on this sooner, but…

    Yes. I hate Valentines day. The holiday only came into prominence in the late Victorian era, and it was, in fact, a way to sell cards, candy, and flowers. St. Valentine himself did, in fact, have a sappy, love-filled story, but that’s neither here nor there.

    The fact that it’s essentially a “Hallmark Holiday” (probably the first such holiday) isn’t what gets to me, though. The fact that I have had two women break up with me on/around Valentines – but always after I had gotten them a gift – isn’t my problem either.

    My big problem with the holiday is that I think it’s sickening to have a holiday to give people a reason to behave in the way they’re supposed to be behaving all year. You know what? If you’ve got a Significant Other, you shouldn’t need a f###in’ holiday to buy them Flowers/Candy/Jewlery. If you need a specific day out of the year to remind you to be romantic, then you need a therapist.

    I have similar issues with Christmas. One day out of the year, we wish for peace on earth and goodwill towards men? Really? Just that one day?

    All that having been said… what the hell do you have against St. Patrick’s day?

    1. What do I have against St. Patrick’s day? Two things:

      1.) People using my heritage as an excuse to get drunk. Maybe that shouldn’t bother me, but it kind of does.

      2.) In the weeks heading up to it, the bars start advertising with REALLY BAD IRISH ACCENTS. I mean, worse than my attempts at an Irish accent. It grates a great deal on the nerves.

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