Crap Horror Flicks Reviews (III): Howling 2: Your Sister is a Werewolf

Ben White is horrified to discover that his sister was killed by werewolves. He learns that these werewolves can only be killed by…  by titanium… titanium stakes through the… the heart…

Look, do I really need to sum this crap up?  I mean, honestly.  Titanium stakes?  That tells you all you need to know right there.  Stupid stuff like that is hard to top.  At least it doesn’t have a witch shooting cartoon lasers out of her hands.

Wait.  IT DOES!  GAH! GAH I SAY!

My Irish butt, the new wave of Horror

We will be calling the movie Howling 2 from here on, as while it should be called The Movie That Should Have Killed Christopher Lee’s Career It’s A Miracle He Recovered As Another Actor Would Have Quit Show Business Out of Embarrassment With a Film That Bad On His Resume, After All, If You Have To Apologize to the Original Director, the Flick’s Gotta Be Bad, and Oh, I’d Like an Apology Too, Mr. Lee, Along With The Buck Fifty I Spent Renting the Damn Tape, Cause Peter Cushing Never Failed Me This Bad, that’s far too long for me to write.

This was, no fooling, the very next Horror film I watched after Bloodbath at the House of Death.  I didn’t go in because of the original movie.  I’m an American Werewolf in London kind of guy.  But Christopher Lee was in it.  How could it be bad with Christopher Lee in it?

Well, let me tell you.  It can be very, very bad.  Poorly lit scenes, bad special effects, a mythology that makes NO FREAKING SENSE AT ALL, bad sex scenes, Sybil Danningplaying Christopher Lee’s sister (!), and on and on and on.  Before it was half way through, I was praying for Lee’s character to die.  He vanishes for a nice chunk of the movie.  Surely the protagonists will stumble over his body right about… Now.  Now.  Now!  Come on Chris, WHY WON’T YOU DIE?  John Carradine had more sense than you do!1

Long boring movie story short, Lee dies right at the end of the picture.  My hopes of salvation were dashed.  I watched the rest of the film in dejected disappointment, marred only by the horrified disbelief that anyone would think ending a motion picture with a music video was a good idea.

Seriously.  The movie ends with a music video.  Complete with Sybil Danning ripping off her top in rhythm with the beat.  I am in no way making this up.  I can prove it, courtesy of YouTube.  The poster has kindly covered up the only two reasons for watching the clip, but it’s still  Not Safe For Work. Blood, gore, and the potential stigma of people knowing you’ve seen a part of Howling 2 are all attached to the following:

I’m so glad this is on YouTube. Now I don’t have to watch the damn movie again to see if my memories playing me false.2

Be that as it may, you’d think this flick would have put Point #18 in stone for me.  This was not the case.  I watch countless Horror shows before that rule came into effect.  I think the first one I fast forward through was Cathy’s Curse/Cauchemares.  And it felt good.  It felt right.  I mean, this is the best, safest way to watch bad Horror.  Am I right or am I right?

Of course not.  Don’t be silly.  Check back tomorrow for proof.


1 I’ll prove it.  John Carradine starred in wretched movies to finance his acting company.  He worked to bring art to others.

Christopher Lee starred in Howling 2 because he never did a werewolf picture.

THAT WASN’T A GOOD ENOUGH REASON, MISTER LEE!

2 FUTURE CULLEN sez: YouTube has removed the video due to terms of use violation.  This is, of course, their right.  But now…  Now i have to watch the movie to see if I remember it correctly…. SOB!

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13 Replies to “Crap Horror Flicks Reviews (III): Howling 2: Your Sister is a Werewolf”

  1. Well, I get that you didn’t like it, but, why?

    Just kidding – I saw some of this one. The thing is, though, that I have rules for watching bad horror movies, to… Rule #3 for me is this:
    If the film begins to approach the vicinity of being related to being something as bad as Howling 2, save yourself suffering: push the “Eject” button.

    I actually use this movie as a barometer of exactly how utterly terrible horror can be.

    (Not that The Howling was exactly Art… well, by comparison to this, maybe, but… seriously: Hippie commune of rude and uncharismatic werewolves that operates as a health spa? Really?)

  2. Just as an aside, I really disliked American Werewolf in London. Aside from the effects and the “dead friend” I can’t think of anything good about it.

  3. There’s a lot of people who didn’t like American Werewolf and I never could understand why. Me, I think it’s great.

    Not great enough to watch on a regular basis, mind. But I do own a copy of it and not on of The Howling.

  4. It just seemed not only totally over-indulgent, but downright proud of its overindulgence. I mean, he has a dream sequence where Nazi zombies attack his family. Which is relevant….how, exactly? “Oh, I just knew my ideas were too genius to leave out even one of them!” John Landis would no doubt reply.

  5. hey! THE HOWLING was great. it was a lot of fun. it contained good scares as well. joe dante directed. rob bottin did the great f/x. john sayles wrote it. it was like a werewolf movie about werewolf movies. i never cared for american werewolf/london. it had the tavern scene lifted from the invisible man and the moors scene and that is it. the howling sequels and american ww/PARIS are probably the reason there are not more ww movies! they stink!

  6. i agree with cullen waters…landis always seemed like he was a bit stunk on himself or something. i remember how he cut his hair prior to the ‘vic morrow/twilight zone’ trial. i guess he was trying to change his image or make a good impression upon the judge. landis almost always comes across as if he thinks he is hipper than thou…but he does provide good movie trailer commentary on trailers from hell. com

  7. Hey, jhrunion! Thanks for the comments!

    I wouldn’t say I didn’t like The Howling. I just prefer American Werewolf in London. It’s been a long while since I watched either, so a reevaluation might be in order.

    I was going to say you were entirely too kind to American Werewolf in Paris, but I can’t think of any adjective other than “stinks” that wouldn’t be incredibly offensive to any and all readers. That movie defines bad.

    On Landis, his behavior during the whole Twilight Zone trial leaves a bad taste in my mouth. He might be an okay fellow then and now, but not one I’d like to know.

    Long winded reply done. Thanks again for commenting.

  8. Lol, I saw this late at night in TV by accident and what a lucky watch it was.

    This hilariously stupid movie features scenrey from Czech Republic (Krumlov there, lol, complete with the communist era thrashcans on streets) cast as Transylvania, lots of mediocre czech actors, and well, that chick ripping her clothes off so many ridiculously many times again and again. What an epic level of failure!

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