Super Hero Olympics
I was surfing the web this morning and I stumbled over something I found interesting via Ragnell’s Written Word. Some comic fan has come up with a super hero Olympics, a variant of the old “Who would win in a fight?” line of thought.
Now Ragnell, being Ragnell, had specific instruction to her readers. She felt that the last event didn’t have enough male applicants. As it was a write-in ballot, she felt duty bound to suggest to her readers put in a few names. After all, it would be terrible if a man didn’t win the gold in the swimsuit competition. Right?
I can dig where she’s coming from. A whole list of names and the only event women appear in is the damn swimsuit competition. (In the interest of fairness, the guy does do a little better in the next set.) And I’d do a write-in of my own. I would. But my choice would be MODOK and, frankly, no one except me likes that idea. At all. In any way, shape, or form
But I’m looking at the guy’s list, trying to tag female characters to the given events. Because in the really real world, the Olympics divide events into men’s and women’s divisions. I came up with a few ideas, but now and then I found myself stumped in the process.
What this leads to is this thought: Were I to make a Super Hero Olympics, who would be in it? Who would face who?
So, formulating several potential events, I came up with the following list. I listed DC characters first because DC comes before Marvel in the alphabet, and not for any other reason. I assume that the major players are known, but for the lesser superheroes I’ve provided links so you can see who they are:
|Archery||Green Doofus Arrow, Hawkeye (Clint Barton)||Speedy, Hawkeye (Kate Bishop)|
|Boxing||Wild Cat, Daredevil||Huntress, Hellcat|
|Wrestling||Superman, Thor||Power Girl, Ms. Marvel|
|Running||Flash, Quicksilver||Jesse Quick, Aurora|
|“Fencing”||Lobo, Wolverine||Wonder Woman, Valkyrie|
|Gymnastics||Batman, Captain America||Batgirl (Barbara Gordon), Black Widow|
|Martial Arts||Nightwing, Black Panther||Batgirl (Cassandra Cain), Misty Knight|
|Swimming||Aquaman, Namor,||Mera, Namorita|
|Weightlifting||Superman, Hulk||Supergirl, She Hulk|
A few little notes before we go.
- I tried very hard not to repeat names. Repeating struck me as very lazy. (There is, of course, two exceptions, but we’ll discuss them in a bit.) Of course, I then went and stuck to only two Heroes per event. Which was very lazy.
- You might wonder why I placed heroes like Superman, Thor, Power Girl and Ms. Marvel in the “wrestling” event. Seemed right at the time to put the Heavy Hitters in here instead of the (probably more obvious) boxing. And my thought process in no way dealt with thoughts of Power Girl and Ms. Marvel participating near nude in mud or Jello.
No way at all
- Fencing is a bit of a bear. Which male superhero goes around with a sword? I lamed out and picked Wolverine and Lobo. At first I was also going to go with female versions of these two heroes (there is a female Wolverine but I’ll be damned if I remember her). Then my brain kicked in. Wonder Woman in recent years has used a sword, and Valkyire never seems to part from hers. Easy peasy.
- I’m rather shocked I came up with as many female Super Heroes. At first, I had a whole bunch of empty spaces. Now it’s done to two names. Yay me!
- On the Batgirl Exception: They’re different characters with the same super hero name. It seemed like an okay thing. Of course, Barbara Gordon has been in a wheelchair for two decades. Time travel, anyone?
- FUTURE CULLEN SEZ: McBangle has informed me of a female archer Marvel side named… Hawkeye. Thus I’m only shy one name. That and the Batgirl exception has become the rule…
FUTURE FUTURE CULLEN SEZ: With the addition of Aurora, the list, she is compete.
Remember Your Croce
Superman said it was all right. For real. Here’s a transcript of our little… chat.
Well, I guess I can leave the male DC weightlifter name blank until I can…
(entering through the window)
Not so fast, chum! I’m perfect to go against the Hulk!
Yeah, but I’ve got you down already for…
Go on. You can list me twice.
No, but you see, it’s against…
I SAID you can list me twice.
But Supes, it’s like this…
(towering over Cullen, eyes glowing red)
Do you know what not listing me twice is like?
It’s like tugging on my cape. Tugging hard.
Remember your Croce. REMEMBER YOUR CROCE.
Y… YES SIR!
And get back to work on that webcomic of yours. Slacker.
So yeah. I remember my Croce. And I’m starting back on the comic. Honest.