Super Hero Olympics And Remember Your Croce

Super Hero Olympics

I was surfing the web this morning and I stumbled over something I found interesting via Ragnell’s Written Word.  Some comic fan has come up with a super hero Olympics, a variant of the old “Who would win in a fight?” line of thought.

Now Ragnell, being Ragnell, had specific instruction to her readers.  She felt that the last event didn’t have enough male applicants.  As it was a write-in ballot, she felt duty bound to suggest to her readers put in a few names.  After all, it would be terrible if a man didn’t win the gold in the swimsuit competition.  Right?

I can dig where she’s coming from.  A whole list of names and the only event women appear in is the damn swimsuit competition.  (In the interest of fairness, the guy does do a little better in the next set.) And I’d do a write-in of my own.  I would.  But my choice would be MODOK and, frankly, no one except me likes that idea.  At all.  In any way, shape, or form

But I’m looking at the guy’s list, trying to tag female characters to the given events.  Because in the really real world, the Olympics divide events into men’s and women’s divisions.  I came up with a few ideas, but now and then I found myself stumped in  the process.

What this leads to is this thought:  Were I to make a Super Hero Olympics, who would be in it?  Who would face who?

So, formulating several potential events, I came up with the following list.  I listed DC characters first because DC comes before Marvel in the alphabet, and not for any other reason.  I assume that the major players are known, but for the lesser superheroes I’ve provided links so you can see who they are:

Event Mens Womens
Archery Green Doofus Arrow, Hawkeye (Clint Barton) Speedy, Hawkeye (Kate Bishop)
Boxing Wild Cat, Daredevil Huntress, Hellcat
Wrestling Superman, Thor Power Girl, Ms. Marvel
Running Flash, Quicksilver Jesse Quick, Aurora
“Fencing” Lobo, Wolverine Wonder Woman, Valkyrie
Gymnastics Batman, Captain America Batgirl (Barbara Gordon), Black Widow
Martial Arts Nightwing, Black Panther Batgirl (Cassandra Cain), Misty Knight
Swimming Aquaman, Namor, Mera, Namorita
Weightlifting Superman, Hulk Supergirl, She Hulk

A few little notes before we go.

  • I tried very hard not to repeat names.  Repeating struck me as very lazy.  (There is, of course, two exceptions, but we’ll discuss them in a bit.)  Of course, I then went and stuck to only two Heroes per event.  Which was very lazy.
  • You might wonder why I placed heroes like Superman, Thor, Power Girl and Ms. Marvel  in the “wrestling” event.  Seemed right at the time to put the Heavy Hitters in here instead of the (probably more obvious) boxing.  And my thought process in no way dealt with thoughts of Power Girl and Ms. Marvel participating near nude in mud or Jello.
    Nope.
    No way at all
  • Fencing is a bit of a bear.  Which male superhero goes around with a sword?  I lamed out and picked Wolverine and Lobo.  At first I was also going to go with female versions of these two heroes (there is a female Wolverine but I’ll be damned if I remember her).  Then my brain kicked in.  Wonder Woman in recent years has used a sword, and Valkyire never seems to part from hers.  Easy peasy.
  • I’m rather shocked I came up with as many female Super Heroes.  At first, I had a whole bunch of empty spaces.  Now it’s done to two names.  Yay me!
  • On the Batgirl Exception:  They’re different characters with the same super hero name.  It seemed like an okay thing.  Of course, Barbara Gordon has been in a wheelchair for two decades.  Time travel, anyone?
  • FUTURE CULLEN SEZ: McBangle has informed me of a female archer Marvel side named… Hawkeye.  Thus I’m only shy one name.  That and the Batgirl exception has become the rule…
  • FUTURE FUTURE CULLEN SEZ:  With the addition of Aurora, the list, she is compete.

Remember Your Croce

Clark Kent Winking 000And then there’s the last exception.  The Superman exception.  Yes.  Well.

Superman said it was all right.  For real.  Here’s a transcript of our little… chat.

Cullen
Well, I guess I can leave the male DC weightlifter name blank until I can…

Superman
(entering through the window)
Not so fast, chum!  I’m perfect to go against the Hulk!

Cullen
Yeah, but I’ve got you down already for…

Superman
Go on. You can list me twice.

Cullen
No, but you see, it’s against…

Superman
(now frowning)
I SAID you can list me twice.

Cullen
But Supes, it’s like this…

Superman
(towering over Cullen, eyes glowing red)
Do you know what not listing me twice is like?

Cullen
(nervous)
Um

Superman
It’s like tugging on my cape.  Tugging hard.

Cullen
Ah.

Superman
Remember your CroceREMEMBER YOUR CROCE.

Cullen
Y… YES SIR!

Superman
And get back to work on that webcomic of yours.  Slacker.

So yeah.  I remember my Croce.   And I’m starting back on the comic.  Honest.

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5 Replies to “Super Hero Olympics And Remember Your Croce”

  1. I would go with Karate Kid (DC) for martial arts and Daredevil for gymnastics. I take it that if Power Girl enters the wrestling event, that would be your cue to don a female superhero’s outfit (complete with wig) and buy your way into the competition?

  2. Would have never of thought of Karate Kid… Mainly because I only just kind of know him.

    While Daredevil would be a good choice, I’ve always thought of Captain America as THE gymnast. Plus… it’s a list of superheroes. You need to put Captain America in there SOMEWHERE. It’s like not mentioning Wonder Woman. Or Batman. Or… um… Superman.

    As for that last bit… God, I wish I’d thought of it. It’s not just the image of myself in drag that does it for me (though that is pretty damn funny.) But the concept of me thinking I could get away with it… Priceless

  3. So what you’re talking about is a group of superheroes who are all friends, and they’re challenging each other? That might make a good TV show, if I could figure out what to call it.

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