Unexcused Absence

“You wanted me?”

“Yes. Please sit down.’

“Shouldn’t I be behind the desk?”

“No. Now sit.”

“All righty then.

“Here at Welltun Cares Presents Co. we pride ourselves on two things: Punctuation, Research, and Perfect Attendance.”

“That’s three things.”

“You do not get to speak here. This is a disciplinary hearing. We are considering sacking you.”



“Paper or plastic?”

“You really are not very funny, you know.”

“So I’ve been told. By people with senses of humor.”


“And now you.”

“Cute. You were absent October 2, 2007 when you were supposed to be posting an essay. Explain yourself.”

“Got busy.”

“‘Got busy’?”

“Yup yup.”

“Come now. We know you. You do not ‘get busy’.”

“Sometimes I do. Sometimes I get real busy.”

“You were no doubt playing the video games. Maybe even that nasty Pong.”


“Or was it the anime? It was the anime, was it not? Degenerate.”

“Look, I not going to stand here and be insulted. I get enough of that on the street.”

“Bottom line, you have used your only unexcused absence up. Do it again and we will fire you.”

“Screw that. I quit. Write your own damn essays and reviews.”

“I will, Mister! At least I know what a gerund is! And proper grammar! And at least I can spell ‘Genesis’ without spell check, Mister ‘I-went-to-Marian-Catholic-High-School’! Do not walk away while I am chewing you out or you will be so…

“Well! We do not need Cullen M. M. Waters around these parts! We will get along fine without him! We can write essays ourse


7 Replies to “Unexcused Absence”

  1. Just thought I would be a pain in the arse.

    Do you see anything wrong with the following statement ? “Screw that. I quit. Right your own damn essays and reviews.”

    From The Man From Nit Pickers of America.
    Dear old dad.

  2. Not even a day gone and already this place is failing a part….

    “Right your own damn essays and reviews” is now “Write your own damn essays and reviews.”

    Oh, and question marks? They don’t get little spaces between them and the end of the sentence.

    So HA! Got you, old man!

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