Happy Birthday, Cousin Emily!

Today some people, somewhere, are celebrating the birth of my Cousin Emily. And there is cause to celebrate her birthday today. Because today was the day she was born. And to celebrate it any other time would either be premature or late. But not necessarily a bad thing.

Long time readers may remember me mentioning Emily a time or two in such classic posts as My Cousin Emily, Let the Pun-ishment Begin and MAJOR EGO BOOST. As a rule of thumb, I mention how mean I am to her, and how she puts up with such cruelty stoically and with great dignity. Well, maybe that’s an exaggeration. Last time I acted up she threatened me with UNFORGIVABLE PHYSICAL HARM. I think she meant it, too, though, while I’m being honest, I may as well say that I had it coming.

I usually do.

As I’ve said, though, Emily is like the little sister no one ever wanted, or something to that effect. I only want the best for her. I want to boost up her self-confidence, make her proud to be her.

I just fail at it.


Sort of like the Titanic being unsinkable, only with more explosions, a drop in the stock market, and a Dalek invasion.

With what may or may not be an appearance of Godzilla.

For instance, in high school, she was in a play. I always meant to attend. I mean, I went to several of Brother Eric’s plays.1 Why shouldn’t I go heckle cheer her on?

I dunno. I just didn’t. Something came up, I guess. I think I had to save the world from Kefka that day.

But what might have been! Who knows? Had I supported her more, Emily might have become a Real Actress, treading the board across America. She could have accomplished her life long dream of playing Lady Macbeth!

Or was that being like Lady Macbeth? I get so confused these days.

Anyway, what I thought was, to make up for these failings, I would post one of her better pictures here.

I don’t do this often. In fact, I like to keep my own accused visage a carefully guarded secret. But I thought, what the heck. The next time I bring her up, you’ll have a face to place with the name. In fact, I think that, with this picture, you might sympathize with her plight in life.

I mean, to put up with someone as fundamentally harmless as myself is one thing.

But to look like this on top of it:

Cousin Emily? Really?

Well. You’ve gotta feel for her.

But she’s got a good personality.






they’re never going to find my body, are they?

1 If you can stretch “showing up once during the third act after his character was dead” as “going to several plays.” Sure. Why not?



2 Replies to “Happy Birthday, Cousin Emily!”

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