Oh Blighted Night! Oh Befouled Day!

I had such plans for this day of days. Perhaps a post on the Importance of Rules. Perhaps a bit of discourse on a motion picture or television show. Mayhap even a discussion on Famed and SLANDERED rulers of comic book lore. Such thoughts bubbled fierce behind my eyes. I could almost smell wood burning, though that was no doubt just a coincidence.

All of these possibilities and yet NONE OF THIS SHALL COME TO PASS THIS DAY!

“Why,” you might cry out to the uncaring skies. “Why are we, the loyal publick deprived of the wit and wisdom of the Grand Master Cullen M. M. Waters? What TERRIBLE HAPPENING has occurred to thwart his will? Did a butterfly flutter past his view? Did he get up from his computer to get a peanut butter sandwich and forget to return? Has Linda Cardellini returned his phone call?”

I SAY THEE NAY!

I received a cellular phone call from that FOUL villain known the world over as Brother Eric. I was told that he had good news, but what he spoke of was but PAIN and MISERY to my ears! Once more he had accomplished something BEFORE ME! ON PURPOSE NO LESS!

You must understand that this has always been his way. I tried my best to show him the proper way, mind you. I did my duty as a brother!

When he wanted to learn how to drive, I suggested patience and caution. “Wait into a more stable age. Late twenties, early thirties. Like me.” But did he listen? NO! He was driving in his early twenties like a man possessed! With the skills of a driver!

When he started courting the opposite sex, I told him, “Hold off! Those of the female gender have what is in the common vernacular called the ‘Cooties’! Wait until your immune system matures. Like me.” But did he listen to me? NO! He even attended his prom, the heartless MONSTER!

But now, oh now, he has GONE TOO FAR! He has submitted his poetry to an online contest and won a place in a book! Made of DEAD TREES no less!

Does his dastardly nature know no bounds?

I forget the specifics at this juncture, my head is a maze of conflicting thoughts and horrors. But I know that once more he hath bested me! ME! The great all powerful ME!

Curse you, Reed Richards!!!!!

I mean Eric Waters!!!!!

Now there is but one recourse remaining to me...

The above image, sans the purple prose of Stan “the Man” Lee, is the work of Jack Kirby. It originally appeared in Fantastic Four Annual #2 in 1964. I lifted the image from Polite Dissent, specifically from the link on this page. All copyrights to the picture itself belong to Marvel as far as I know. The sentiments expressed in the panels, however, come from my own fevered brain.

My brother Eric has indeed been published, though technically not first. First poem, maybe. First work that can be acquired in stores definitely. When I have more word, I’ll give it. [FUTURE CULLEN sez: The books tenative title is Immortal Verses, something that Eric is hoping will be changed. The site he hit was Poetry.com]

Until then, congratulations to Eric on a job well done. I hope he doesn’t mind his brother over reacting too much.

Boy is this mask stuffy.